While Ms. McKenna “did not ‘abduct’ the child,” the court said, “her appropriation of the child while in utero was irresponsible, reprehensible.
Sara McKenna, a former Marine, became pregnant during a brief relationship with Bode Miller, an Olympic skier. While seven months pregnant, she moved from California to New York to go to school, leading a judge to scold her for “virtually absconding with her fetus.” Now, the fight for custody of their son has become “a closely watched legal battle over the rights of pregnant women to travel and make life choices.” (via bebinn)
instead of being polite with this shit all the women in the world just need to stand up and say FUCK YOUUUU
She didn’t “abscond” with her damn fetus. It was in her fucking uterus. It’s not like she stuffed it up there so she could sneak it across state lines, for fuck’s sake. Jesus hopscotching Christ.
I cannot… I can’t. I’ve lost all ability to can. I have NOTHING. My mouth is hanging open while I type this. WHAT. THE. FUUUUCK.
*headdesks repeatedly* Over the past few years, I just keep seeing this outrageously ridiculous shit… and I keep thinking to myself, This can’t be real. No way. But it is real, and it just keeps happening.
So sorry for the lack of everything. My laptop broke and I hate to do text posts on my phone since it takes too long. Mel learned a trick so hopefully I’ll have that up soon.
Sunday is bath day in our household. Corgdad and I usually team up to give both corgs a bath at the same time (it’s just faster this way), but yesterday I had to give them both a bath by myself — not at the same time. I’m not that cray.
Thankfully, both corgs are good in the bath. They don’t try to jump out, they don’t cry, they don’t jump on me. They just stand there (well, sometimes Scout sits) and take it like champs. Afterwards, I decided to blow dry Gatsby. He’s good with the hairdryer. He just lays down and lets me dry him and brush him. Result: extra floofy chest floof!
Scout has never been blow dried. I guess I started to feel a little daring after the bath, because I decided to attempt it for the first time — by myself. I got some treats and started aiming the hair dryer on her back. She didn’t mind that at all. But she — understandably — did not like it too much when I tried to aim at her chest floof. I really only blow dried her for about 5 minutes since it was her first time. I didn’t want to freak her out too much and forever turn her off completely. Result: semi-floofy chest floof.
So cute! I used the blow dryer on Bella one and she was super cool and loving it for about three minutes and then she decided that she absolutely hated it and never again. It makes bath time so much easier when you don’t have to spend 10 minutes trying to towel dry wiggly pups.
I wish I could think of something to type that would really, really hurt you but I'm sure you've heard it all and just let it roll of your back. I just hate you so much and want you to feel bad for being such a colossal loser. I mean narcolepsy, depression, and chronic fatigue syndrome? One fake illness wasn't eliciting enough sympathy? Ever heard of Münchausen syndrome?
I have heard of Münchausen. It’s a psychological disorder in which people feign illness to get attention and sympathy. I can’t believe it has taken this long for someone to catch me in the act.
I’m just a giant scam.
It was hardest to fake the narcolepsy. It’s a neurological disorder that has a very definitive test. I needed to acquire magic brain powers to fool the monitoring equipment of an MSLT. I found myself a crossroads, buried some trinkets, and sold my soul for magic fake narcolepsy brain powers. That test was completely fooled.
It is hard to get a prescription for narcolepsy medication unless you actually have narcolepsy, so this all worked out great.
Depression was harder. They can actually do these PET scans that show what a depressed brain looks like.
The trick to faking this one is watching that Sarah McLachlan Animal Cruelty commercial 50 times in a row. After that, they basically throw the antidepressants at you.
As some of you may recall, I have actually had shock therapy for my fake depression. When faking stuff, you really have to commit. You can’t half-ass it. So even though I didn’t need it, I signed up to have my brain electrocuted. My favorite part was when they put the rubber in my mouth so I wouldn’t bite off my tongue. Sure it was scary, but I just kept thinking about all the sympathy I could get from that.
My next feet of fakery was obstructive sleep apnea. Here I am before my last sleep study hooked up to a bunch of wires.
The polysomnograph showed that I stopped breathing quite a few times during the night. This was hard to pull off because you have to be asleep while you stop breathing. The key was to sneak a small child inside my overnight bag. Pay them $20 bucks and they will periodically strangle you throughout the night.
The insurance company (who loves to pay for things people don’t need) bought me this cool mask I have to wear when I sleep.
Since I was only faking that whole “not breathing” thing, I don’t even turn on the machine. I just do Bane imitations until I fall asleep.
Of course there is my fake diabetes. Before my blood test I just drank a gallon of high fructose corn syrup. Then they gave me all these cool insulin pens.
I have to be careful how much I take, because if you take insulin and you aren’t diabetic, then you can go into a coma. It’s hard to fake illnesses in a coma. It’s better to just fake the coma so you can hear everyone talk about you while you are secretly listening.
Lastly is the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I thought this one would be a bit easier to fake since there is no tried and true diagnostic test. Unfortunately, getting a firm diagnosis ended up being tricky.
I had to travel 500 miles to Detroit to see a specialist. To my surprise, she actually had a battery of tests that give strong indications you actually have CFS. They took 31 vials of blood and many of the tests came back positive for those indicators. To do this I bribed the lab technician to sprinkle a retrovirus into some of my samples. Almost none of this was covered by insurance, so I had to sell my car and most of my possessions to see this doctor. And I had to incur substantial debt to pay for the treatment I received. What is a lifetime of paying off debt for a treatment that didn’t work when compared to the oodles of sympathy I receive for spending all my money on a “failed treatment”?
It’s nice to get that out in the open. Faking all these things that make me tired has been exhausting.
FIRST OFFICIAL TRAILER OF ‘MALEFICENT’
May 30, 2014
Directed by Robert Stromberg, written by Linda Woolverton, starring Angelina Jolie, Sharlto Copley, Elle Fanning, Sam Riley, Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple and Lesley Manville.
Maleficent has always been my favorite Disney character ever! So freaking excited.
Nuke Map is not fun to play with
The good news is that if a nuclear bomb strikes downtown Indianapolis, I will only get third degree burns all over my body instead of dying straight away.
Woah. Good news is that I live so far out in the sticks in the middle of nowhere that even if the largest bomb hit Raleigh or Norfolk I’d be okay. Norfolk is coming a little too close for comfort though since I’d assume the Naval Base would be hit. Still it’s nice to know.
When you try to explain stuff while you have aphasia…
And when you give them the definition, similar words and they still can’t help you with the word you really want to say.